Are We Anonymous?

Today I was listening to the podcast Beautiful Stories of Anonymous People. It's a cool podcast made by the comedian Chris Gethard in which people call in and just have a conversation with him for an exact hour. The deal and rules are that throughout the call, Chris does not know their name, where they live, etc.. Total anonymity. The person can talk about whatever they want (I'm sure within some reason), and they can hang up any time before the hour is finished.

Under this framework of "rules" I find the conversations intriguing, and quite interesting. And because of the anonymity of the caller, it adds for a certain amount of free, unhindered disclosure about things in the callers lives that they might not have talked about with any one else in such a way. Some have secrets to share, some have amazing happenings that they have walked through, and some just chat it up as things come up on their minds in the moment.

The nice thing is that Chris offers consistent permission to just talk about whatever they want because it's their hour. I will tell you that A LOT can be covered in an hour when people feel safe, open up, and choose to share something of themselves. My impression each time, is that Chris is a solid and neutral person to chat with, and besides that his voice is comforting and engaging. He feels authentic in his curiosity about the strangers he's speaking with, and he seems to draw out something cool in these random people he chats with. From my experience, it's kind of a gift to be able to do that with others. He adds a calming tone and inviting platform. Props!

But with most podcasts there are also advertisements with sponsors of the show. So today as he takes a break to do these shouts from the sponsors, and I hear a brand new ad that took me sort of aback. It was for a new sponsor website/company that was for people that wanted to just have a conversation with a live person with a real voice and listening ear at the other end. the calls, somewhat like the podcast was completely anonymous, but the folks working there couldn't wait to talk with you!

This was their selling angle: It was because these days most people are just mostly texting rather than actually calling one another, and most people don't have time these days for a real voice to voice conversation. But more so it was because most people don't want to "bother their friends" if they actually tried to call them on the phone to talk. But this new and up and coming way of relationship was that if you needed to talk, there was someone who would listen like a friend, but you wouldn't have to know them nor would they have to know you. Yep, everyone is off the hook. Just pay for a chat, no one you know will be bothered.

And I speak to this specifically here because today I heard a guy on the show tell Chris about some very bottom line life stuff about himself, his family, his religious faith, and a very personal secret and choice he might have been needing to seriously make that held his whole life and self integrity lingering in the middle. I wanted him to have a voice to voice with the people that needed to know this secret of his. I wanted him to be honest with himself, with them, and take the risk of everything going completely awry so he could be liberated into his own self contentment.

I know some cultural structures, especially fundamental religious ones, can make it very difficult for people to step out in their own truths and be willing to make the break to live outside that familiar structure. But for me, it was a feeling of being closeted with him and knowing his secret was for the many many potential people listening to the call, but not for the ones who would likely want or need to know the most.

I don't know how many people we or I could anonymously or personally chat with before someone would say "Hey! Tell the truth!" But, I do think if that dude had called a real friend he knew and talked voice to voice and had the courage to share this information in real personal conversation with someone he cared about and that cared about him, that might have been what he was honestly told. Maybe he wasn't ready for that. And I get that too. Sometimes it just takes time, it takes those small steps. Maybe for him to just begin to share the secret within anonymity would somehow begin to unhinge the binds that held him. I hope it was a catalyst for the change I felt he really wanted to make. Perhaps just the validation of our secrets being known without being known ourselves can do more wonders than currently known.

The reason I was mostly taken aback was because even though this does seem like it's becoming real thing/issue these days that people don't have time or maybe even actually want to talk voice to voice, I so didn't want it to be that real where people feel they can't actually sit down with someone they love, or call a real friend and have a real and honest conversation because of fear of bothering a friend. Aren't we supposed to "bother" our friends sometimes with a phone call? Aren't we wanting our friends to "bother" us by calling? Or, am I that passe and out of the loop and bothering my friends too much now? I will admit, I do my fair share of more texting than calling these days, but I do also take the time to talk voice to voice because to me it's a value to be in that kind of visceral connection and intimacy with my friends.

Chris's show doesn't claim to be a therapy session, nor does he try to fix anyone, but a place to just have a spontaneous conversation. I'm sure he doesn't and I don't see it as a replacement for voice to voice with close people in the callers lives, but the fact that that ad was there and if it's coming to that more people than not feel they can't confide in those they know personally, my feeling is there's something to be considered. And that is that as a whole, we might need to rethink how we are feeling about screen connection vs voice.Yes, it's a real conversation to continue to consider. Hopefully voice to voice. Let the revelation re-start.

So, in closure, and final thoughts......I suppose if people are just really lonely and need someone or anyone to share their thoughts with that's one thing, but if it's for fear of interrupting a friends life, then that's another. I like to and do put more faith in the people I call my friends. And I pretty much know they want me to call them and I absolutely know I want them to call me if a secret or a life trouble is too heavy to bear. I don't want to give up the faith and absolute knowing that the sound of our voices nurture others and hearing others voices can actually soothe the places that are jagged in us. Those voices are like warm clean loving healing water on a wound at times. Perhaps that's what Chris's voice did today for that gentleman......

Oh, and for the record, I am going to try to get on the show and have a convo with Chris too! But not because I need to confide any secrets, or not call a friend to bother them.......I just want my turn to be beautifully anonymous.